Hello, world! Here is your fun fact of the day! The reason most of the bisexual women you know end up with long-term male partners is because there are more straight men than gay women! It’s not because “all bi chicks are really straight and doing it for attention”! Never say that again! Thanks so much! Have a great Friday!
*more straight or bi men than gay or bi women, because bi people also date bi people
whenever people make fun of people with phobias and/or triggers by saying “how do you go outside”
it’s like. yes? you are beginning to see the problem here. thats the funny thing about disability, there are a lot of things people are unable to do without stress or pain, if they are able to at all. it’s an amazing concept really.
I got this question in my Ask box:
Hi!Big fan here, love your books! So im gay or I kinda think so not really sure about anything in my life right now. Im just confused and feel messed up because I think I might be in love with my best friend, shes smart and sweet, and when I see her I feel happy like she is the only sun ray in my life. She hugs me and I feel butterflies she kisses me on my cheek and it takes all my self control to not move my head so I can kiss her. I feel lost and dont have anyone to talk to. Dont post my name.
Hi there! I totally know how you feel. I think that falling in love with a best friend happens a lot; in fact, it happened to me. I was really confused and messed up when it happened too, because it was the first time I had felt that way about a girl, and because she was my friend! It can be really hard to separate your friend-feelings from your more-than-friend feelings.
The first thing for you to remember is that this is totally normal! This is a very confusing situation, so it makes complete sense for you to be confused.
Second, how great is it that you’ve discovered you feel this way? I think it’s always, always wonderful to find out that you care about someone. Whether or not they return the feelings, it’s important for you to honor your own feelings about them. Recognize that this is a significant thing for yourself. It’s OK to be freaked out because it means something big about who you are. It might be even scarier if this is the first time you’ve felt this way about someone, and that’s also totally normal. Honestly, every time you fall in love can be scary, but every time is also life-changing.
Third, I bet you’re wondering what to do about this scary/wonderful thing you’re experiencing. You can, of course, tell your best friend how you feel about her. This can be even scarier than keeping it to yourself, because you’re probably not sure how she feels about you. Remember that if she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s not because of you. She might not be gay. If she’s not gay, she’ll never be able to feel the same way — and it’s not your fault.
When this happened to me, I did tell my friend, and she didn’t feel the same way. It was really devastating, but you know what? I got through it, and later on, I met someone who did feel the same way about me. My friend and I are still friends today, and now I’m glad she didn’t feel that way about me. I’m glad about the way things turned out for both of us.
Finally, you don’t have to tell her how you feel about her. If it’s too scary and you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to recognize how you feel, and that’s a huge step in itself. Just be with yourself and your feelings for awhile, and see what happens. The only thing that’s guaranteed in life is that things change, so while you might feel stuck in this crazy scary wonderful situation right now, it will change. Hang in there!
Um. I <3 Malinda Lo, but this sentence? “If she’s not gay, she’ll never be able to feel the same way — and it’s not your fault.” is really hurtful. Because no, not just gay women fall in love with women, and considering Malinda Lo’s portrayal of bi women in her books I’m really surprised at this?
lebkin asked: For people who say all BDSM is abuse because hitting...what about boxing? Martial arts? Even football? All have violence that is codified and acceptable, within specific rules. BDSM is the same way, at a personal level.
Yep. Also not all BDSM involves hitting anyway.
Also, if you think BDSM is abuse you ought to show compassion instead of contempt for the “victims.” If BDSM is literally abuse, then feminists ought to know that when you’re helping someone out of an abusive relationship you need to be non-judgmental towards them and provide safe spaces and understand it’s a very difficult and dangerous relationship to get out of.
If someone came up to me and said “I see how your partner’s treating you and I want you to know that I’m concerned, that you don’t deserve to be hurt, and that I’m willing to support you and help you stay safe if you leave,” I wouldn’t take them up on it, but I’d understand where they were coming from. But nobody ever has ever said that to me. Dozens of people have called me an empowerfulized kinkshit and made fun of the black latex catsuits I don’t actually wear.
Also, all of this feels tremendously disrespectful towards survivors of domestic abuse who are also kinky and know the damn difference, and tremendously unhelpful towards people who are in genuinely destructive BDSM relationships and given no tools to distinguish those from consensual and positive BDSM.